You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
