he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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