My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
so much tequila, so little girl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
