YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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