oh god the rape fog is back!
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
