if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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