so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
