i permit you to call me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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