So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
