I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
