once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I still have a little drunk in my system
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
