i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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