I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
