Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
