if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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