before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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