Don't you send me to vm
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
then he tried to convert me to islam
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
