he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
