Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
