I want to have your abortion
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
