i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do herpes really smell.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
