my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
