I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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