At least make sure they are 18
Why
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Someone came in the potted fern
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
