I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
