Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
