Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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