It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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