Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
