I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
