We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
