I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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