first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
