he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
