We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
