I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
