were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
