fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
