her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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