i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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