I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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