how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
