Got a toothbrush?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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