I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
