closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
