I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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