I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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