I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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