so that wasnt chicken after all
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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