So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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