Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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