Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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