she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
