She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
