people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
