well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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