There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
