Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
