At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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