i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I supernannyed him into submission
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
