A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
