Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Randomize
