Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is it penis luge time yet?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
