I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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