you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
