The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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