if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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