The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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