I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Randomize
