Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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