Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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