Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
