So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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