My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
