5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
